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6 Ways to Frustrate Young Leaders

by J.R. Briggs

I was a few years into planting our church when I shared boldly and with strong conviction about an issue on my heart at an elder meeting. After I finished, I could tell that one elder wasn’t too happy; he asked to stick around after our meeting concluded.

“How old are you?” he asked, clearly with an agenda in mind. 

“I’m 29.” I winced, bracing myself for what he might say next.  

He squinted his eyes, wagged his finger, and said, “I’ve been doing ministry longer than you’re alive. So, listen to me for a minute…” I was taken aback and felt so belittled by the comment that I don’t remember what he said (but I can assure you how he shared lasted more than a minute).

On the drive home that night, I felt embarrassed and frustrated by the experience; I vowed never to ask the condescending question of a younger leader, “How old are you?” – and follow it up with a condescending lecture. 

. . .

I have a driving passion to listen to, encourage, and invest in young and emerging leaders. And I especially want to ensure that no young leader feels as frustrated and lonely as I felt in numerous situations. As I’ve worked in leadership development over the years, I often ask emerging leaders what are the things that frustrate them in their leadership contexts, either in what they are experiencing or where they want to experience something, but aren’t allowed to do so.  

If we want to frustrate young leaders, here are the ways I’ve learned to do it successfully:  

[1] Delegate responsibilities, but refrain from empowering them to lead.  

Many leaders erroneously believe that leadership development is the art of delegating tasks. But delegating is not the same thing as empowering. Delegation is about giving others tasks; empowering others is about giving people authority and permission.

Delegation says, “Get this done exactly the way I want it done.” But empowerment gives others authority and permission that says, “Here is the vision and the mission of what we’re about. You are capable and responsible. I believe in you. Take this and lead in such a way that best advances the vision and moves the mission forward.” This means others will most likely do it differently than you do. But remember: we are not trying to create clones, we are trying to develop and empower leaders.

Years ago I led the college and young adult ministry at a large church in Colorado. I remember sitting in a pastoral staff meeting when the executive pastor said to me, “We want to communicate to the young people in your ministry that they are the future of this church.” I told him that while he meant well, that mindset was a problem. He was confused.

“They are not the future of the church.” I said, “They are the present. And if we want to serve them well, then we need to start thinking this way. They’ll grow and develop more if we do.” When we over-emphasize the tasks needed to get done, we can easily under-emphasize whole-person equipping for formation. The ultimate, long-term goal is not to just get things done; it’s to empower and unleash people into their giftings.

[2] Assume that you know everything that young leaders need to know.

Certainly, there are some skills that need to be developed, perspectives that need to be gained, and character that needs to be formed in others in order for them to be healthy and effective leaders, regardless of their age. But many seasoned leaders take the mistake of assuming too much and trying to read younger leaders’ minds.

Some common faulty assumptions made are: 

  • I am going to teach this young leader everything they need to learn about leadership.
  • Growth and formation are only one direction.
  • Emerging leaders are too young and inexperienced to handle “real” ministry responsibilities.
  • Each generation does leadership development the same way.
  • Growth and development can only happen in official and formal settings.
  • Telling is the same thing as training.

One of the greatest ways experienced leaders can keep from making faulty assumptions (and we know what happens when we assume) is to stop trying to read leaders’ minds and simply ask questions. Two of my favorite questions to keep us from stepping into the assumption trap is to ask: Where do you want to be more involved? And where do you want me to get out of your way? If emerging leaders are willing to give honest answers to these questions, it’s amazing what can be learned and discerned in these conversations.

[3] Offer complete freedom and autonomy without guidance and accountability.

Trust is essential for young leaders to grow and develop, but too much freedom without guidance can be demoralizing and disorienting. Simply sending leaders off to “figure it out on their own” is not a purposeful strategy for development.

I know one leader who described his leadership development process as “I throw them into the deep end of the pool and they’ll eventually figure out how to swim.” I asked him what happens to those who don’t figure out how to swim. “Well,” he said, “they don’t make it.” That doesn’t sound like a thoughtful strategy; that sounds like a good plan to help young leaders fail. Young leaders need freedom and autonomy, but they still need – and often long for – loving and constructive direction, structure, feedback, and guidance.

[4] Micromanage others.

While most emerging leaders I’ve spent time with have expressed that while they want direction, feedback, and structure, they certainly don’t want to be micromanaged either. (In fact, name any leader who actually likes to be micromanaged.) Leaders often micromanage others because of fear, lack of trust, or their own control issues. They often worry that the job won’t get done (at least not the way they want it).

Few things aggravate, demoralize, and crush morale more than when leaders control the environment so much that others can’t do anything without the leader’s permission or approval. Not only are they failing to develop leaders, they are actually diminishing the opportunity for leaders to grow in the future.

[5] Lead only in the style you’re used to leading in.

There are some time-tested truths and principles in leadership development. But there are also generational shifts that experienced leaders need to be aware of – and more importantly, make efforts to adapt to.

The old approach of leadership was to be the sage on the stage; the new approach is to be a guide on the side. The old approach believed we need a strong leader; don’t show us your failures, mistakes, and wounds. But the new approach says we need an authentic leader we can trust; show us your failures, mistakes, and wounds so we can learn from you.

Just as listening to music has shifted from 8-tracks to cassette tapes (all things younger leaders have little to no experience with!) to CDs to streaming services, we need to change the format of how we listen to the music of leadership development in changing times. Leaders must learn to adapt and change to meet emerging leaders where they are. This requires letting go of some control and being willing to be humble to listen to the way emerging leaders think, act, and feel.

[6] Expect perfection.

Few things cause anxiety to rise in the life of an emerging leader more than creating a culture and expectation that failure is unacceptable. Learning from failure is one of the greatest learning tools in the life of a leader, young or old. Failure is a terrible thing to waste. Bridgewater hedge fund manager and investor Ray Dalio articulated this well when he said, “Create a culture where it is acceptable to fail, but unacceptable not to learn from it.”

Certainly, we don’t want to over-protect young leaders from experiencing failure – that’s where the true learning comes when we reflect on failure appropriately – but we also don’t want to create an unsafe environment when they do fail. If failing in a learning environment is not safe, young leaders will be tempted to hide their mistakes, experience shame, and refuse to reflect and process valuable lessons to be learned through these experiences.  As poet Archibald MacLeish wrote, “There is only one thing more painful than learning from experience, and that is not learning from experience.”

Much of what we are called to do in developing younger leaders is to live in the midst of the healthy tension: to give freedom, but not too much of it; to delegate tasks, without neglecting whole-person development by empowering and equipping; and not protecting them from failure, but cultivating an environment where they can learn valuable lessons when they fail. We need wisdom, humility, sensitivity, courage, and compassion to effectively engage in leadership development.

Let’s refrain from frustrating young, emerging leaders and instead empower them to lead. As Liz Wiseman said, the essential role of a leader is not to create followers; it’s to be a leader multiplier.

Want a practical way to encourage your Young Leaders? Check out the Emerging Leaders Cohort!

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Halfway There: What Comes Next?

In the Spring of 2047, it will have been 50 years since I preached my first sermon. 
I can remember the day vividly that I “surrendered to the ministry.” After I walked the aisle to answer the call, my pastor told me at the end of the service that “if I was called to ministry, I was called to preach, so next Sunday night you are up!” I looked up and said “Next week?” to which he replied, “The only way you learn to preach is by preaching!”

I didn’t know it at the time, but I stepped into the world of ministry at a moment that I would now describe as the finale of the church in the era of Christendom in the US. When I first went to school to study pastoral ministry later that year, it hadn’t been very long since The Purpose-Driven Church was initially published, one of the most popular periodicals for ministry leaders at the time was “Church Growth Magazine”, the conversation about future generations and church participation was aimed squarely at Gen X, and that was only in the tiniest corner of the smallest room, in the basement of the church complex in North America. In other words, to most pastoral leaders, church participation was largely stable and even growing. The surrounding culture of the common American city or town was either supportive or at least neutral to the values and worldview of the Christian Church. Further, most pastoral leaders were still respected and met with a common embrace and gratitude, even among those who did not faithfully attend.   

By the time I reach my 50th year of ministry, the landscape that I entered into will have so vastly changed that I know it would be unrecognizable to the world of the 1990s.  Like many of those who will be reading this article, I’m a “bridge leader” in ministry in the year 2023. I entered into ministry on the end side of Christendom and I will finish ministry when I expect that Post-Christendom will be so underway that nobody will even recall that there once was another side to the bridge. My ministry will have been summarized by a season that only a small portion of pastors since the Protestant Reformation will share in that, throughout our career, we will have crossed the bridge from one epoch of the church into another.  

Not long ago it dawned on me that I am halfway across the bridge.  I have been in ministry for about as long as I have left in ministry and now I am working on the back half of that bridge.  

As many of us are somewhere in the same vicinity, it’s a good time to ask ourselves: 

  • What do we feel called to during our remaining years? 
  • With more maturity, wisdom – and hopefully humility – than we started out , what mark do we want to leave on the world when we are done?  

What echoes deep in my own spirit is that I want to do all I can to ensure that there is a faithful, vibrant, and flourishing church that is fully equipped for what we might now call a Post-Church era.

I want to do all I can to ensure that there is a faithful, vibrant, and flourishing church that is fully equipped for what we might now call a Post-Church era.” 

Ecclesia as a whole has always been on the same journey – and those of us who are a part of this family have been drawn together for this shared purpose. Although we might articulate it with different nuance, it is my conviction that the churches and leaders in our family have always been characterized by a heart to bear witness to the gospel among generations of people for whom standard approaches to church were ineffective.  We certainly don’t know all that we need to know in order to carry out the Great Commission for the next 25 years – and we need to continue to learn from one another (and from others) – but we do have within our DNA several of the key essentials to fulfill the mission before us. More, we know that we are not alone.

[1] One constant theme in the life of Ecclesia over the last 15 years has been the number of leaders from outside Ecclesia who feel at home among us, but are constrained from having their church join us for one legitimate reason or another. Perhaps they share an understanding of the gospel with Ecclesia, sense a common approach to ministry, or perhaps most of all an affection for our relational posture. But, whatever the case, they have had the desire to come more closely into life with Ecclesia. This is why we beta-tested an Individual Membership option in 2022. Having found initial fruitfulness among a handful of friends, we are excited to share that we are now planning to make the Individual Membership option a formal part of our future plans.    

[2] In like manner, we have also seen the rise of congregations within Ecclesia sensing the need to start local networks of churches within their city or region.  These are popping up in all four corners of the country and run the gamut from city-wide networks cooperating around church planting to collaborative approaches to youth ministry across a town. Given that these networks are the outgrowth of the character and nature of leaders within Ecclesia, we believe there is a “tissue match” between Ecclesia as a whole and these emerging local relationships. For that reason, another growth step we have decided to take in 2023 is to become more proactive in encouraging the formation of local networks through Ecclesia churches as well as exploring how Ecclesia can serve these local networks through our churches.. 

As we move into the future then, we see the ministry of Ecclesia being centered around leaders, churches, and local church networks. While we do not expect to diminish our focus on the three important phases of healthy local congregations – Starting (years 1-3), Strengthening (years 4-8), and Sending (years 9+) – we do believe that now is the time to formally create paths that allow individual leaders and local networks connected to our churches to benefit from the ministry of Ecclesia.

As I stand now in the center of the bridge, these steps for Ecclesia resonate as the kind of actions that strengthen our capacity to be more faithful and fruitful in the unique time that we have been called to steward together (with others) on behalf of the gospel.  

Does your own calling, wherever you are on the bridge, resonate with this?  If so, we would like you to take a further step with us in 2023 in these ways: 

  • First, if you are a leader, not officially connected to Ecclesia, consider joining our family on this mission as an individual leader.  
  • Second, if you are a church, or aspire to plant a church and know that you need a company of friends to be in ministry alongside, but without the trappings of a hierarchical denomination-type structure, then consider joining with us or planting with us in 2023.  
  • Third, if you are an Ecclesia Church already, why not consider how the gospel might multiply more fully if you created a network of like-hearted and common-minded churches within your city or town? If so, we would love to help.  

And lastly, if you are a leader of another ministry that would be a “peer” to Ecclesia and happen to be reading this, and are wondering how we might team up our common efforts, then drop us a line because we are exploring that too in this season.  

We are in a unique season as ministry leaders in 2023.  The challenges in front of us are greater than those behind us – and yet, so is the kingdom opportunity! Let’s not lose heart as we emerge from these last few years of immense challenge and let us recommit ourselves to the cause of the gospel in our time and let us do it together.

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Good News for Imperfect Pastors

Years ago, I was talking over breakfast with a young man. Between bites of bacon and eggs, he was telling me about his disappointment with his dad.

Having had a dad who paid little attention to me, spent no time with me, and was really only “dad” in the strictest biological sense of the word, as I listened I struggled with how to respond. The complaints I was hearing sounded to me like the description of a normal human being trying his best to be dad; occasionally preoccupied, often not sensitive enough to his son’s needs, maybe not as spiritually dialed in as he could be…

I knew telling him my own story of a bad dad might help give him some perspective, but I didn’t want to make it a contest. At the core of his disappointment was the idea that his dad hadn’t modeled the loving character of God in quite the way he wished had been done. And as I looked down at my own plate of (quickly disappearing) bacon, something occurred to me.

“Well, it’s a good thing your dad wasn’t perfect. If he was, you wouldn’t have needed Jesus,” I said.

What followed was a good conversation on the way fathers (and others) point us to God both in their successes and failures in their roles.

I was thinking of this conversation recently as I reflected on a recurring theme among many of the pastors I coach. It probably won’t come as a surprise to anyone that pastors often struggle. They struggle with the things that every human struggles with, but added to that, they struggle with the odd idea that they shouldn’t encounter struggles at all as spiritual leaders- that by the time they reach a position of leadership, they ought to be beyond all that. And worse, because they aren’t beyond all that, they are somehow imposters or frauds who will eventually be outed as flawed and failing by people who expect… more.

While there are standards of ethics and conduct for ministry that are vitally important, most pastors I work with aren’t dealing with the kinds of sin that would disqualify someone from ministry, but rather the everyday ups and downs of following Jesus. Everyday ups and downs like spiritually dry spells, the very human struggle with lust, envy, ambition, worries about the future, and regrets about the past.

And to those leaders, I would say “It’s a good thing you aren’t perfect. If you were, nobody in your church would need Jesus.”

“Follow me as I follow Jesus” was written by a pastor who himself was not beyond the spiritual struggles of an imperfect human following Jesus. Those words weren’t meant to say “emulate my perfect spirituality,” but rather “emulate me in both my successes and my failures.” Follow me as I walk in the footsteps of Jesus AND as I deal through repentance with the times I stumble off the path. See me in both the highs and the lows, and in that be pointed to the ONLY one who ever did it perfectly.

Pastor, you do well when you allow others to see how you deepen and grow in your discipleship. You would do equally well to allow people to see the harder parts of that journey as well. You aren’t perfect, and no one (at least no one whose opinion you should care about) believes you are or even could be perfect.

We’ll settle for someone who’s trying– someone who shows us what it really looks like to follow Jesus.

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Are You Doing What You Should Be Doing?

When we first start off in ministry, whether as an intern, a youth pastor, or an associate, our ministry duties mostly consist of what other people give us to do and things we have to do because they are in our job description or because there’s no one else to do them, irrespective of whether we enjoy those things or are even good at them.

And if we’re not careful, that pattern can persist throughout our ministry “career.” Doing what we do because it’s expected of us, because there’s seemingly no one else who can or will do those things, and precious little time and attention given to the pieces of ministry we actually love.

This passive stance towards our own job descriptions leads to burn out, dejection, and pastors who either quit… or wish they could.

But freeing ourselves from the hamster-wheel of duty and expectations and embarking on the journey of moving our job descriptions towards what we are good at and passionate about is easier than you might think.

And it all starts with identifying what you do, what you love doing, and what you are good at doing.

Take a look at the chart above. Begin to think thru all you do in the course of your ministry. What are the things you are good at? Not great at? What are the things other people could do if they were given permission or mentoring? What are the things only you can (currently) do? Draw this quadrant grid and start plotting!

Is there anything is that lower left corner? What will you do with those things? The one thing you probably shouldn’t do is keep doing them? What’s in the lower right quadrant? What steps will you take to get batter at those things? Spend some time thinking and praying about how to get better here- what classes (online or local) can you take, books can you read, mentors or coaches can you enlist?

Now do the same with the grid above. What pieces of ministry do you LOVE? Which would you never do again if you could avoid it? Plot it all.

Now, put your results together. What are you good at AND passionate about doing? What should you be working towards getting off your plate? And…

What would the IDEAL future job description look like? What conversations with staff, elders or others do you need to have to move closer to this? What would you ADD if only you had time? What can you give away to MAKE that time? What do you LOVE doing, but need to get more skillful at? And how can you grow in those things?

Doing this exercise as a Lead Pastor with 10-15 years under her/his belt will look different than doing it as a first year associate. When we start out we have little power to shape our jobs- but we can identify what we love doing, what we need help in learning how to do better and what we could give away. Later, as we gain experience and seniority, and with it, the freedom to choose more and more what we will do and what we won’t, intentionality and being honest about what we are good at, could get better at and is worth our time getting better at, and what we can and should just give away will help us make it for the long haul.

Do yourself (and those working with and/or for you) a favor and spend some time thinking about what you are doing, what you could stop doing and where you could grow.

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One Simple Way to Reduce Ministry Stress- Be a Sheepdog, Not a Rabbit.

It’s often said that it’s not so much what happens to you in life, but how you react to it.

There’s a lot of wisdom in that thought. What if I told you that how you react could literally determine what chemicals your brain produces?

We’re all born with a hardwired stress response- when we get dumped into the middle of a stressful situation, our brains produce cortisol. Even if you buy rifle scopes for protection, your brain remains your first protector. A built in alarm system, cortisol is produced by our adrenal glands, and triggers the “fight or flight” mechanism.

So, if you are hiking, and slip off the side of a path and find yourself hanging by your fingertips on the front face of a cliff, your brain is going to start pumping cortisol.

But here’s the funny thing- find yourself in the exact same position, not because you slipped, but because you chose a rock-climbing adventure, and your brain reacts in a very different way.

When stressors are forced on us, our brains and bodies react like a prey animal. Like a rabbit. Your heart rate rises, the cortisol dump begins, your senses become hyper-aware to danger, and your body begins to prepare to either run away or go down fighting. But when we encounter the same stressors, not as a result of having them forced on us, but rather out of choice, there’s a whole different physiological response. Less like a prey animal, more like a predator. Our heart rate might rise, but there’s no dump of cortisol. We’re excited, our senses are heightened, but there are different parts of our brains that are being activated.

When stress is forced on us, we’re like a rabbit- when we chase the stressor, the danger or the challenge, we’re more like a sheep dog, running into the scary situation willingly, sometimes gladly.

It matters whether or not you frame the hard parts of your life and ministry as something you are choosing to face, or something you are being forced to face. Your brain and your body will react very differently. Your body knows the difference between being a rabbit and a sheep dog.

At a particularly tough time in ministry, I began to notice my bodily reactions to hard ministry situations. It felt very “fight or flight.” Most of the time, I wanted to run away. Some of the time, I wanted to fight. But nearly all of the time, my response was unhealthy, and unhelpful in a ministry situation.

I knew I needed to change how I was reacting to the criticism, the complaints and the “concerns” I was facing as a leader, because “fight or flight” was just making everything worse. But to change how I was reacting to those things, I had to change how I thought about them.

I began to say to myself “This is a challenge, not a threat.” I wanted to see the hard parts of ministry, not as a threat to my position, my authority or my person, but rather, as another way to level-up in ministry, to learn and grow- even if that learning came by handling the situation wrongly- at least I’d know what to do next time.

I know ministry is not a game, but when I began to think in game terms, seeing each new “issue” I was facing as puzzle to figure out, a challenge to be willingly faced, another lesson to be learned (and here is the magic part) as something I was willingly engaging with, the challenges didn’t get any easier, but… facing them sure did. And more, my adrenal glands really settled down. I was able to come a little bit closer to being a “non-anxious presence” in leadership.

This is something I’m still working on- in parenting, in marriage, in life– seeing whatever challenges come not as something that’s being forced on me, but as part and parcel of all the things I am proactively choosing. I chose to be a husband- so when marriage gets tough, I can tell myself I chose (and am still actively choosing) this! I don’t need to run from this, or fight for my life- but I can grow through this hard part. Same with parenting- I may not have actively chosen all the hard parts, but I chose to be a parent (and even if I hadn’t initially chosen, I’m choosing it NOW) and that means I’m choosing these challenges. No need to bury my head, ignore them and hope they will go away or any other rabbit-like behavior.

The same holds true in ministry. None of us entered the ministry dreaming of the hard personalities we’d have to deal with, the dire budget numbers, the seemingly complacent Christians who don’t seem interested in growing. But in choosing ministry, we chose those challenges. And the way that we face them will make all the difference for us.