The Magic Conversation That Will Help You Develop Leaders
Bob Hyatt
October 15, 2025

The Value of ICNU Conversations in Developing Ministry Leaders

One of the greatest privileges in ministry is seeing people step into their God-given potential. Scripture reminds us that leaders are not merely born but formed; in community, through discipleship, and by the intentional investment of others. For pastors and ministry leaders, a crucial tool in this formation process is what some call an “ICNU conversation.”

An ICNU conversation is simply when we pull someone aside and say, “Here’s what I see in you.” It’s a way of calling out gifts, character, and leadership potential in another person, often before they see it in themselves. These conversations can be small in length but enormous in impact, creating pivotal moments that alter a person’s trajectory in ministry and life.


Why ICNU Conversations Matter


1. They Help People See Beyond Themselves

Most people underestimate their capacity for leadership. They assume ministry leadership is reserved for those with theological training, exceptional charisma, or years of experience. When a trusted leader notices and names something in them, it can awaken possibilities they never considered. An ICNU conversation gives people permission to dream bigger and to see themselves as God does.


2. They Anchor Potential in Affirmation, Not Pressure

Unlike a recruitment pitch, ICNU conversations don’t begin with tasks, responsibilities, or needs. They begin with affirmation. Instead of saying, “We need someone to lead this group,” we start with, “I see in you the ability to shepherd people well.” This subtle shift communicates that leadership is not about filling a gap but about stewarding God’s gifts.


3. They Cultivate a Culture of Multiplication

Healthy ministry isn’t about a few doing everything—it’s about equipping many. When ICNU conversations become a rhythm in a church, they create a multiplication culture. People start looking for potential in others and speaking it out, leading to a ripple effect of encouragement and empowerment.


4. They Spark Growth and Ownership

Being told “I see this in you” often catalyzes growth. Even if someone doesn’t feel ready, the seed has been planted. They may begin seeking opportunities to grow, watching leaders differently, or stepping into small acts of responsibility. In time, these small steps can develop into a sense of ownership for the mission of the church.


Biblical Foundations for ICNU Conversations

The practice of ICNU conversations resonates deeply with biblical patterns of leadership development.

  • Jesus and His Disciples: Jesus repeatedly named potential in His disciples long before they lived into it. He told Simon, “You are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church.” He called fishermen “fishers of men” and entrusted the gospel to ordinary people.
  • Paul and Timothy: Paul reminds Timothy to “fan into flame the gift of God” that was already within him. Paul saw leadership capacity in Timothy and nurtured it through personal investment and encouragement.
  • Barnabas and Saul: Barnabas, whose name means “son of encouragement,” was one of the earliest to affirm Saul after his conversion, bringing him to the apostles and later advocating for his ministry.

Throughout Scripture, leaders are often those who were first seen and called out by others.


Best Practices for ICNU Conversations

Having established why ICNU conversations matter, the question becomes: How do we do them well? While every leader will bring their own personality and style, a few best practices can maximize their effectiveness.


1. Be Specific, Not Generic

General encouragement is nice but easily forgotten. Instead of saying, “You’d make a great leader someday,” say, “When you led that prayer last week, I noticed how people leaned in—you have a gift for helping others connect with God.” Specific observations give weight to your words and help people believe them.


2. Connect Identity to Calling

Frame your ICNU conversation around who the person is, not just what they do. Leadership development is not about filling slots but about aligning someone’s identity in Christ with opportunities to serve. For example: “I see in you a shepherd’s heart—you notice when people are hurting and make space for them. That’s what makes a great small group leader.”


3. Choose the Right Context

These conversations don’t need a formal setting, but they do need intentionality. A hallway comment is good, but taking someone out for coffee communicates greater investment. The context should say, “This matters, and so do you.”


4. Plant Seeds, Don’t Force Decisions

An ICNU conversation is about invitation, not pressure. You are naming what you see, not handing out assignments on the spot. Give the person room to process and pray. Sometimes people respond quickly, while other times they need months or years before stepping in. Trust God’s timing.


5. Paint a clear picture of the path, and Follow Up with Opportunity & Support

Words alone aren’t enough—there needs to be a pathway for growth. Be specific in what that pathway could look like. "I see you possibly being on track to be an elder in a few years. In the meantime, I'd love to see you leading a home community." Be bold in naming any growth areas you might see. Show them the path, and stay available for encouragement, coaching, and feedback along the way.


6. Model a Culture of Encouragement

When leaders consistently practice ICNU conversations, it shapes the wider culture. People begin noticing strengths in others and feel empowered to speak them out. Over time, encouragement becomes contagious, and leadership development moves from a program to a lifestyle.


Conclusion

ICNU conversations are deceptively simple yet profoundly powerful. By intentionally naming the potential we see in others, we open doors for people to step into ministry leadership they might never have imagined. In doing so, we reflect the way Jesus called His disciples and the way Paul nurtured young leaders like Timothy.


If we want to see the church grow—not just in numbers but in depth, capacity, and resilience—we must make ICNU conversations a regular rhythm of ministry life. And if we practice them with specificity, intentionality, patience, and follow-up, we will cultivate leaders who are not only equipped for tasks but deeply anchored in identity and calling.


The next ministry leader in your church may just be waiting for someone to look them in the eye and say: “Here’s what I see in you.”



(This article was written with the help of AI)

By Bob Hyatt • October 7, 2026
“When God works in us nothing is useless, and nothing is spared.” - Jeannine Brown, Carla Dahl and Wendy Corbin Reuschling, Becoming Whole and Holy “There is no circumstance, no trouble, no testing, that can ever touch me until, first of all, it has gone past God and past Christ, right through to me. If it has come that far, it has come with great purpose, which I may not understand at the moment.” - Alan Redpath Here's something I've noticed about people as they get older: they tend to go one of two ways. They either get sweeter with age or they get crankier. They grow wiser and more like Jesus, or they grow bitter and more like the worst version of themselves. That's because life is formation. Everything we do and everything we go through shapes us one way or the other, mostly depending on how we respond to what happens to us, whether it's extraordinary or completely ordinary. Ministry works the same way. I've watched leaders come out of nearly identical trials in completely different shape. Some come out stronger. Others come out deeply wounded, discouraged, and ready to quit. The difference usually comes down to where they see God in the middle of the struggle, absent or present, and what questions they ask about it. Some ask, "God, why is this happening to me?" Others ask, "God, what could you want to form in me through this?" Both views of God will shape us, and so will both questions. They just shape us in very different directions. In my experience, the most common sin in church leadership is an obsession with numbers and results, paired with neglect of our own souls. On top of that, we rarely stop to notice how those numbers and results, and how ministry itself, are shaping us. So here's my suggestion: stop working so hard to develop your ministry and start noticing that your ministry is developing you. How you handle the realities of church leadership will determine not only what your church becomes but what you become. Leadership and ministry will form you. The only question is: into what? One tool God uses: the fishbowl Some people hesitate to become a pastor because it opens them up to scrutiny, and now and then to outright criticism. When I was a young leader, I hated the "fishbowl effect" of ministry. Everyone was watching me, and my mistakes seemed to count for a lot more than anyone else's. It felt deeply unfair that flaws that wouldn't even register at most people's jobs could cost me my job, my reputation, and my community. Never mind that maybe it bothered me so much because I had such a generous supply of those flaws. After years of living under the steady gaze of critics and cranks, I see the fishbowl differently. These days I actually welcome it. Richard Baxter, a Puritan pastor in the 1600s, put it this way: “While you are as lights set upon a hill, think not to lie hid... do your work as those that remember that the world looks on them... ready to make the worst of all... and to make faults where they cannot find them.”[1] Baxter understood that anyone who calls others to live like Jesus is going to get called out when they don't. His advice? Live like the world is watching, because it is. Some people in your life are ready to yell "Hypocrite!" at the first opportunity, to point out failings they share themselves, and, as Baxter says, even to invent faults when they can't find real ones. And Baxter's fishbowl had a few neighbors peering over the fence. Ours has a livestream, a comment section, and someone screenshotting the announcements. But Baxter goes further. He says we should be glad about it: “As you take yourselves for the lights of the churches, you may expect that men's eyes will be upon you. If other men may sin without observation, so cannot you. And you should thankfully consider how great a mercy this is, that you have so many eyes to watch over you, and so many ready to tell you of your faults; and thus have greater helps than others, at least for restraining you from sin. Though they may do it with a malicious mind, yet you have the advantage of it.” As a Pastor, you have more eyes on you and more people paying attention to how you live. That means you have more help than most in living well and avoiding sin. What some people mean for evil, God means for your good (Genesis 50:20). What looks like a downside of ministry turns out to be a path to maturity, to formation. In practical terms, living your life in front of others pushes you to do what you already know you should do. And it often keeps you out of things you might slide into if nobody were watching. One important caveat: embracing accountability isn't the same as tolerating abuse. Healthy scrutiny sharpens you. A congregant who attacks your spouse or treats your kids like church property is a different problem, and it calls for boundaries, not gratitude. Let's be clear, though: the fishbowl isn't enough on its own. What we're really after is internal: character, a changed heart. But knowing we're living out loud in front of a watching church and a watching world gives us structure, and that structure can help us build the habits and rhythms of holiness we want. As we try to let the heart and character of Christ take deeper root in us, we have the advantage of lots of eyes around us "encouraging" us to stay on the straight and narrow. My sense is that people who embrace this find that, over time, what starts on the outside moves more and more to the inside. Slowly, the choices we make because others are watching become, through habit, real character. Because I know people are watching, I think twice about what I say in public, what I scroll past on my phone, and how I talk to my kids at church or out on the sidewalk in front of the neighbors. More and more, those choices, first made because of an audience, become part of who I am. That's especially true when I treat those moments as kairos [2] moments: times when God breaks in and uses my awareness of a watching world to show me the character He wants to form in me and the choices He'd like me to make. But what if we don't embrace it? What about those who get shipwrecked by moral failure, character flaws, and private sins gone public? People who resent the fishbowl of ministry and the Christian life often end up living one way in public and another in private. It's as if their anger at being scrutinized pushes them into a divided life: they'll play by the rules in public but insist on their own rules in private. Frustrated with the audience around them, so eager to find fault, they forget the true Audience they live before. And as we've all seen from too many spectacular crash-and-burns, the fallout is often devastating. Families, churches, and the reputation of the whole Church take serious damage. Pastors, recognize that your formation is happening, one way or another… and make peace with the fishbowl. It's going to be there whether you like it or not. If you embrace it, you may find it spurring you on toward love and good deeds (Hebrews 10:24) and keeping you clear of the sins that have taken down so many in ministry before you. “You should thankfully consider how great a mercy this is, that you have so many eyes to watch over you.” Let the Holy Spirit use your public life, and every eye watching it, to shape and form you. The fishbowl and the formation of a life in ministry are coming either way. Let them help answer the question: into what? To further explore your own formation through ministry, join us at the Multiply Summit with special guest Rich Villodas this coming February in the Washington, D.C. area! Adapted from Eldership and the Mission of God by Bob Hyatt and J.R. Briggs. [1] Richard Baxter, The Reformed Pastor, London, 1657, p. 21. [2] Kairos is one of the Greek words for time, but it's different from chronos. Chronos is linear, calendar time. Kairos refers to significant moments full of possibility. Here, it means those times when God steps into chronos.
By Bob Hyatt • April 13, 2026
Here's a message from Ecclesia Pastor Aaron Graham