Leadership in Question
J.R. Briggs
November 23, 2023
For People’s Lives to Change We Must Change Our Questions
Who do you know who asks great questions?
What do they do to cultivate those good questions?
What is it about the power of a question?
Have you ever wondered why we don’t ask thoughtful and significant questions in our culture more often?
Is it that we don’t know how? Are we too impatient, prideful, uninterested, or unaware? Or are we fearful – afraid of what we might find out about others – or ourselves?
What might it say about a leader who doesn’t ask questions?
What might questions provide in leadership roles that answers simply cannot?
What if the current paradigm of leader-as-expert was replaced with the paradigm of leader-as-lead-questioner?
. . .
The late organizational guru Peter Drucker said, “The leader of the past may have been the person who knew how to tell, but certainly the leader of the future will be a person who knows how to ask.” With the heavy use of the internet and the pervasive presence of smartphones and other devices, availability of information is, quite literally, at our fingertips. With our advancing technology – now even with A.I. – we don’t even need our fingers. With a voice command, we are capable of retrieving information faster and more easily than at any time in human history. With the ubiquity of Google, do we really need leaders who need to know all the right answers? And if we are looking for better answers, should we not start by asking better questions?
In its least common denominator, leadership is about trust and connection. It’s ultimately not about charisma, education, or brilliance. It’s not about gravitas or title or prestige. In this cultural moment, with too much information, fraught with cynicism and too little trust and connection, we don’t need smarter or more eloquent or more efficient leaders; instead, we need wiser, deeper, more engaged leaders.
Wisdom is developed and depth is cultivated not by knowing all the answers, but by cultivating humility to learn, insatiable curiosity to observe, patience to listen, compassion to see and hear others, and the courage to wonder. Few things create the foundation of connection and relationship more than humility. Wisdom is gained in the quality and the frequency of the questions we ask of ourselves, of God, and others. Wise leaders ask questions. I’m convinced that what the world so desperately needs right now are leaders who ask the right questions at the right time to the right people for the right reason. The challenge and invitation for us as leaders in our current age is this: can we see the importance and significance of asking honest, compassionate, incisive, courageous questions of God, ourselves, and others?
Questions are a gift we offer to others. When people ask you questions – and truly care to know you and your story, it’s a gift – a valuable gift – isn’t it? Asking great questions gives hope, opens up new possibilities, adds value, cultivates opportunities for deeper connection, and provides meaning to others and ourselves. Like a surgeon uses a scalpel to make an incision on a patient in the operating room to provide healing, leaders can deftly use questions like a scalpel on people’s hearts. I’ve found that the greatest questions asked are personal – so personal that they draw blood, not to hurt or cause damage, but to bring healing.
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The Greek philosopher Socrates (469 to 399 BC) is considered one of the founders of Western philosophy. His method of question-asking, the Socratic method, placed a high value on inquiry-based dialogue that led to learning. He used questions to draw out conclusions from others that could not have occurred through mere answers. Socrates died at the age of 71 because people, specifically three men, Anytus, Meletus, and Lycon, viewed him as a threat. He stood trial and was found guilty, ultimately forced to drink poisonous hemlock. Why? Because he asked questions. People believed that Socrates’ questions, not his answers , poisoned the minds of the youth of Athens.
Socrates often used two metaphors to describe the role of questions. The first was a horsefly, intended to sting people to get their attention – and to get them moving. The second was that of a midwife. Socrates’ mode of inquiry-based dialogue, a method that draws ideas and perspectives out of someone, is called the maieutic (may–oo-dek) method. Maieutic comes from the Greek word which means midwife. Socrates’ mother was a midwife. He, too, believed that through his questions, he was a midwife, drawing out new life with others. The best questions are so powerful they either sting or bring new life – and sometimes both.
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In our Christian faith, Jesus is identified as many things: savior, Lord, redeemer, rescuer, master teacher – even leader. And many in our culture are quick to revere him as the Answer Man. Even our bumper stickers claim Jesus is the answer to all of our questions. But few, if any, see Him as the Man of Questions. As Christians, we study Jesus’ miracles, stories, parables, teachings, healings, and interactions with others. But how many of us have devoted significant time to exploring Jesus’ questions? There is rich learning to be had by exploring the questions Jesus asked, as well as the way He asked them and the impact those questions had on His listeners.
If we are to follow Jesus and lead others to follow Him as well, wouldn’t it be wise to learn to emulate His question-asking posture? Answers, most certainly, continue to play an important role in our world. We need answers. But Jesus – the savior of the world – was full of questions. Consider some of the questions He asked: Which of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? Why are you so afraid? What do you want me to do for you? Do you want to get well? But what about you? Who do you say that I am? What are you looking for? Do you love me?
There is hardly a page in the Gospels where Jesus wasn’t asking at least one question. The Gospels record that Jesus asked over 300 questions. It also records that He was asked over 180 questions – yet He only directly answered 5 . Roughly 1% of the time Jesus answered a question directed toward him. And yet he was quick to ask hundreds of questions of others.
May we be the kinds of humble and wise leaders who ask questions – questions the way Jesus asked them – for when we do our lives will change, as will the lives of those we interact with.
When I graduated from college, I moved to Alaska and took a job teaching middle school- a job I had zero business doing. I want to give props to those of you who are teachers- it’s a fantastically important job, but also a ridiculously complex one. You must balance pedagogical skills, HOW to teach so others learn, with sociological ones, classroom management, and so much more. It was classroom management where my ineptitude really shone, though. I thought managing classrooms full of middle schoolers would be easy- just call them out when they do something wrong- make sure there are consequences in place, and the place will basically run itself. I learned that year that you cannot punish someone into good behavior. You more often just punish people into stealthier ways of misbehavior. It wasn’t until years later that the light bulb came on for me. I was volunteering in my son’s kindergarten class, and I assumed I was going to be walking into a zoo. Contrary to my expectations, Mr. Waters, the teacher, had that place running like a well-oiled machine. And the most surprising way was how he did it. He called for reading time when all the kids were supposed to get up from their tables and sit on the reading circle. He made this call and like two kids responded. Oh man, I thought- he’s lost the room! Nope. He just stood at the front of the class and said “I see Billy doing what I asked. I see Sienna doing what I asked.” And every time he said that another few kids would look up, leave what they were doing and rush to take their place. In about 30 seconds, he had them all sitting quietly around the circle. Blew. My. Mind. It seemed so simple once I saw it done, but I had never realized just how big a gap there was between trying to motivate with consequences and nagging versus motivating with encouragement. Which is funny, because as I thought about it, I realized my wife had been using this tactic on me for YEARS. I married a woman who liked to dance- swing dance, even. I grew up a Baptist, so… But whenever I would do a little two-step with her in the kitchen or just play-dance with her to music in the living room, she would go OVER THE TOP. “Bob, you are doing that really well! Bob, you’re a great dancer!” I totally knew I wasn’t, but… I sure liked to hear her say it, and so I’d do it more. So, here’s the rule: What you criticize me for, I may stop doing. I may also just try to hide it from you. But- What you praise and encourage me in, I will continue doing. The Apostle Paul was a master at this- just look at 1 Thess. 5:11- ”So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.” What is Paul doing here? Yes, he’s encouraging them to encourage each other by encouraging them for how they’ve already been encouraging one another! That’s a lot of encouraging. But he’s doing what he’s asking them to do- demonstrating how it works. I’m sure not everyone in the church of Thessalonica was good at encouraging others- but those who were doing it well were heartened by Paul’s words here, and those who weren’t yet, were… encouraged to be more encouraging. Paul uses the word “encourage” 7 times in 1st Thess. alone. This command to encourage each other is central in the NT. Hebrews 10:24-25 says this: Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near. Paul writes in 2 Cor. 13:11 “Dear brothers and sisters, I close my letter with these last words: Be joyful. Grow to maturity. Encourage each other. Live in harmony and peace. Then the God of love and peace will be with you.” How long can you go on one compliment, or one word of encouragement? A few days? A week? Our words have so much power! I once had an orange t-shirt, that had a disturbingly deep V-neck. My co-pastor Dustin would laugh every time he saw me in it. But you know why I continued to wear it? Because it was literally the only shirt I ever owned that had been complimented by a woman I was not married or related to. A barista one time told me she really liked that shirt… So, what I’m saying is, you can get me to do just about anything, if you encourage me. BUT- With great power, comes great responsibility. Notice that these verses on encouragement come in the context of helping others become the followers of Jesus they could and were meant to be. “Encourage each other and build each up.” “Motivate one another to acts of love and good works. Encourage one another.” “Grow to maturity. Encourage each other.” There’s a growth mindset behind the biblical admonitions that we ought to encourage each other. The growth mindset says “I may not be good at this or have mastered it… yet. But if I keep trying…” Unfortunately, most of us get stuck in a fixed mindset. A fixed mindset says “I'm either good at something, or I’m not. So, I’ll give myself only to things where I can show I’m good. If I must work at it, it means I’m not good at it, or smart enough for it, so why try?” Studies have shown that encouragement has a positive effect on performance, while discouragement has a negative effect. Ok- that’s obvious. But… studies have also been done about how TYPES of encouragement affect performance. Encouraging effort, for example, has a positive effect on performance, while praising ABILITY has a negative effect. One study showed that when two groups of students were presented with difficult challenges 90% of the ones who had been praised for their effort embraced the difficult tasks- while the majority of those praised for their ability resisted tackling hard things. I probably don’t have to spell out the leadership lessons here. So, I’ll just leave you with this: I encourage you this season to be thinking about the people you work with and especially those who work under you. They are just as hungry for encouragement as you are. You have the power to give them not only what they need, but through that encouragement to spur them on to the personal and ministry growth you want to see in them. (By the way, while we’re talking about encouragement, if you need some this season, join us Feb 25-27th in Alexandria, VA for this year’s Ecclesia National Gathering . I guarantee you and your team will leave feeling encouraged, equipped, and empowered. And think about how encouraging YOUR presence would be to everyone else!)
“Food is just fuel for your body.” When the raw vegan enthusiast in my community said it I knew that wasn’t right. I thought of all the great meals shared with family and friends around tables for Thanksgivings, Christmas Eves, and Easter afternoons – among others. I recalled the verse: “Taste and see that the Lord is good.” And I realized that if this was God’s vision for food, then he would have designed our bodies with built-in IV ports where we would hook up pouches of food to our sides and let it drip in slowly to our bloodstreams. And Jesus wouldn’t have given us the greatest experiential metaphor of communion around the table in fellowship with others if it was merely physical and transactional in nature. I get his point: what we put into our bodies matters. Food is for much more than just physical energy. It’s also about connection, bonding, and relationship. Storytelling and laughing and crying and interacting. Like former U.S. President Ronald Reagan said, all great change in America begins at the dinner table. But I’ll offer a rejoinder: all great change – no matter the country – begins at the dinner table. The U.S. Surgeon General, Dr. Vivek Murthy, has declared loneliness as a public health crisis and an epidemic . 30 percent of adults say they feel lonely., with 10 percent reporting loneliness every day. 60 years ago the average dinner time was 90 minutes; today it’s less than 12. We are more connected to our devices and less connected to others. Almost twenty five years ago political scientist Robert Putnam wrote the popular book Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revival of American Community . Over the summer, the New York Times interviewed him , inquiring if he saw this crisis of loneliness coming. He stressed the idea of “social capital,” saying it comes in two forms: bonding and bridging. Bonding ties us to others like us and bridging ties us to people who are different from us. Meals together with others at tables have the transformative power to do both. They bond us to other people in our church; they bridge us to connect with others who aren’t yet connected to faith. As my next-door neighbor says when we’re trying to find a time to connect for a meal, “Everybody’s gotta eat.” Coffee tables, lunch tables, high top bar tables, card tables, dinner tables – all have the intent to bring us together with others over food and/or drink. It was Len Sweet who wrote in Tablet to Table that Jesus was killed for his table manner and his table company. Later he stated that the gospel message was Jesus eating good food with bad people. In fact, you’d be hard pressed to find any gathering in the New Testament that didn’t involve some sort of table. And as Ian Simkins, lead pastor of teaching at The Bridge Church in Nashville, shared with me, the table is the centerpiece by which the gospel is expressed. The church has moved to prioritize the table by asking some key questions: What if we reclaimed the table? What if our tables weren’t for just feeding, but for forming? What if, at the table, foes became friends? What if, every time we sat down, we prayed, “at this table as it is in heaven”? What if we brought the gospel back to the table? These are the questions that must become front and center for the church in North America in the days ahead. In fact, you can view the church’s creative and compelling videos on Instagram here and here . Americans eat, on average, 21 meals a week. Think for a moment: how many meals did you share with others this week? How many meals did you eat alone this week? How many people did you share with those who weren’t your immediate family members? How many of those were with people who are not followers of Jesus? What if the greatest advancement of the gospel in the days ahead occurred not in our churches, but around tables?
